Here is the TOS for purchasing my super-fire mixtape.
§1 Definitions
He is Yu, and I am me. And you are you.
§2 Ownership
When you "purchase" my mixtape (which is pretty fire), you are actually licensing it, you don't own it. Your access can be revoked at any time, for any reason (like if i feel like it). I will send an agent to personally purloin the mixtape from you, to enforce this action. You will own nothing, and be happy.
§3 Privacy Policy
We will store your personal data unencrypted on our database. Also, because Jimmy keeps forgetting the db access password, I will write it here once and only once. It's password123. We'll probably also sell it to McDonalds, Jeff Bezos and all your favourite dictators.
If you're mad about that, contact us as instructed in §5
§4 Forced Arbitration
If you agree to my TOS, you can't sue me. Instead, my buddy John from the diner will moderate and arbitrate any of that trash you have against me.
§5 Cancellations
If you want to cancel your subscription, you may do so at any time. Just send me a certified letter with a 2 inch stamp, a 4:3 width:length ratio, on gold leaf paper, tagged with antimatter europium security strips, and also a cobalt blue tint because it looks pretty.
Or you can send an email, about how you are so desperate for your money, which we may or may not read within 90 business days (or at all). Actually, probably not, but hey, one can dream.
§6 Copyrights
Whats mine is mine, and whats yours is also mine.
§7 Juristriction (or however the heck you spell it)
This TOS is valid in all countries including the American States, Canada, that one country where they make everything, as well as the fake countries like Finland and Australia. It is also valid in Outer Space, the Moon, that planet where Spock lives and the Death Star.